Core.

It's an interesting word, isn't it? Not as fun to say as pith, but ultimately with the same meaning: the crux, the essence, the nub. I don't think it's coincidence that a very similar word - cuore - is Italian for 'heart.' I've been thinking a lot about what is in my core, what really makes me who I am, and what makes me tick - either to progress or stand still. It seems that as I have interacted with a vast array of different people in the past few months, I have heard of countless life-altering experiences. Courses in the history of art that changed the way one visually perceives everything in the world. Voyages to Africa that forever transformed the gratitude that one feels for things from possessions to health. I've found myself in conversations, telling of my own experiences and people have said, "Wow, that must have changed your life." Yes. That's my immediate response. But the question is, has it really? Or was it only a temporary change? I suppose at this moment I am a sum of all of the experiences I have had and sought and every choice I've made. But I'm convinced that there's something more to changing than simply passing through an experience and then moving on with life. Or am I wrong? Perhaps. All I know is that someone has apparently left his cruel core behind. Maybe he's left his core behind entirely. Or maybe it never existed.

Just Breathe

Hello lovies! There is a man named Tony at a hotel in London that would say that to me and my friend Ashlee every morning. Sometimes I wonder about him. I wonder about people that work at cheap hotels. And I wonder how they get there. And why they stay there. Apparently Tony is still around since Ashlee has been saying there and getting the same morning greeting as we did four years ago. Interesting. I've decided to follow Jo's fabulous stream of consciousness writing style. It always makes me happy.

Tonight I had such a great time with some friends that came over. You know in Fried Green Tomatoes, how at the end the Ms. Threadgoode says she figured out what the secret of life is? I think she's right: Friends. Best friends. Which is what makes me miss you girls so much, but also makes me thankful for the good friends I have been able to make in other places. I can't believe I'm leaving in three weeks. Three weeks. It makes me really sad to think about saying goodbye to this place. I never thought I'd say that. But it's just like the R.E.M. song, "Leaving New York, never easy..." It's true. Speaking of music, I got two phone calls today from people who called because songs that they heard reminded them of me. Can I just say that makes me really happy? I love being associated with good music in people's minds.

Have you heard of couch surfing? I am so intrigued by it. A guy I met at church today, named Kellen, came over and we visited for a few hours. He showed me couchsurfing.com. Which is a worldwide network of people that are willing to let you sleep on their couch/floor/bed, whatever. For free. He actually knows a girl that couch surfed her way through Europe. Isn't that incredible? It reminded me of when I got a letter from Meredith while I was on my mission. She was in Corsica, hitchhiking, and staying with random people she met in piazzas. If I had one of you with me, I would totally couch surf. We should some time. Just for the heck of it. Even if it's not in an exotic place. Just for the heck of it. Oh, I just said that. But really, wouldn't it just be fun to let the wind blow you wherever it wanted? Anyone in?

So, for Prague - I wrote to one of my teacher-friends from high school that I knew had been to Prague. She is putting me in touch with her best friend in the whole wide world, who is actually living in Prague, in an old castle just outside the city. Yeah, I said castle. I would be mucho grateful if she'd hook me up!

I'm so tired. Well, I guess my thoughts are fairly organized despite my attempt to let them "stream." Have you ever wanted to not like someone for something that they do, and then realized that you do it too? I had one of those moments this morning. Not that we should try to not like people, just sometimes we need to. To make life easier. Goodnight.

Something to Pass the Time

Well, since nobody has posted anything for quite a while, I decided that I would take the initiative. As I was pondering the geographical distance between many of the four white mothers, I realized that what we are really missing out on is the everyday random conversation that we engaged in so readily not so long ago. Due to that loss, I decided to fill you in on what I would say to you if you were here and listening (or pretending to listen)! Why am I so amazingly jealous when I look at pictures of a friend in Greece and New Zealand when I just got back from Africa 3 weeks ago? Why can't I figure out how fix my stinking pictures so they will fit on this blog? Math really stinks sometimes, expecially at 8am. At the same time, though, I kind of enjoy it. Math, I mean, not having an 8am class. When my Mom was filling me up on all of the engagement announcements on Monday, she stopped in the middle and asked, "Should I stop? Is this making you sad?" What is that all about? Not that finding out a girl I graduated with is getting married and then moving with her husband as he attends Harvard Law School isn't mildly depressing, but what can you do? Does everybody almost die when they get pregnant? It seems to be a growing trend.
Am I EVER going to graduate? I'm a little worried about my grandpa because his health seems to be declining pretty rapidly. Why am I always so tired? Tired of school, tired of dealing with money, tired of stress, tired of not being in other places, tired of missing Africa. Oh yeah, my South African stalker seems to be leaving me alone. If you haven't heard that story, it is definitely an exciting one! Well, sorry to ramble on, but when I get home in the afternoon and know that nobody will be home to talk to me until 9:30 or 10pm, I really miss you girls! Thought I would just remind you of what it is like for me to talk your ear off! PS - I went to the Utah Symphony for the first time on Wednesday - it was great!

Flingingness

Hmmmm....I do feel that I have to make some reply to the previous post by our Uptown Girl. As I read the reflections regarding the fling, I can't help but think that there could have been an ulterior motive. Could it be that our fellow white mother is worried that the other three white mothers might realize that she now has the opportunity for a fling, but is reneging on the summer-fling agreement? Is she worried that we will pressure her into a fling with someone? If that is true, so be it. I don't mind that opportunities for flings are not taken, but I still write in defense of summer flings. The best season of the year (fall) should be kept for serious relationships. Flings are generally reserved for the summer because it is a time of transition and relocation, as well as fun. When one is in a place solely for a season (generally summer), flings are definitely more likely. Sure, you can pretend it is more than a fling, but what happens when fall comes? Long distance relationships are not easy on anyone, as previous experiences within the four white mothers circle have shown. Ah, well, really it just comes down to opportunity. If a fling develops into a full-fledged relationship, is there anything wrong with that? I think not. I still disagree with the idea that wanting to get some summer-lovin' is bad. Really, though, I think that all of us realize that we have failed in this department so far anyway and that is what stings. One mother, though, now has a golden opportunity and should not feel that she has to take it. If she would like to let it pass her by, so be it. The opportunity for summer flings will soon pass for all of us, although there are still some weeks left...

The Summers and the Flingings

Don't forget the russian accent when you say the title of this one.

So, I've been thinking. The four white mothers have done a considerable amount of joking about summer flings. But the more I think about it, the more disturbing it has become. Not disturbing to the point of soliciting tears, a vomitous response, or even a need for extra hugs. Just a little... off. Perhaps this comes from observation more than contemplation, or maybe it's a mixture of both. But I think that any of the four white mothers would happily meet someone that they could spend the summer loving. Am I right? But why is it that it all has to come to an end with the arrival of my favorite season of all? There's no commitment involved, and that's the "beauty" of the idea, but wouldn't you only really want to have a relationship with someone that you cared about? And that cared about you? And if that is the case, I think it is worth preserving. Or at least trying to.

That's all.

I miss you!

September Grass

So...pretty much...this James Taylor song is the hottest song ever. I never can get enough of it. It's so great. I mean...let's be honest...it doesn't get much better than sultry phrases like, "So I'll be king and you'll be queen, Our kingdom's gonna be this little patch of green," "Oh, September grass is the sweetest kind, It goes down easy like apple wine," or "We're so small and the world's so vast, We found each other down in the grass." Those lines are all my favorite because...well...they're just hot. And let's not forget the sensual allusion to grass stains (yeah...we all know what he's talking about. Those definitely aren't the kind of grass stains we got when we were kids playing soccer on a Saturday afternoon...ha ha).

I made the mistake of sharing my love for this song with my little sister. Let's just say that she didn't quite understand my fascination with James' seductive syntax. Instead of concordance, I got a skeptical glare that screamed "yuck!" I guess I should have expected pure disgust from a fifteen-year-old, but it made me miss my other white mothers, who I know would have agreed with me.

But seriously...it is a hot song, don't you think?

A Bad Day That Just Got Worse

Farewell Brazil...Farewell...

A Sad, Sad Day

I still can't believe it...the game went into double overtime and then penalty kicks, but they just couldn't win it...tragic...truly tragic...