taking the lead

Here's my October post. It's like visiting teaching... last day of the month still counts, right? Speaking of visiting teaching, I have to rant a little. I really think it's one of the most inspired programs in the church (home and visiting) and know that it's how we are all to take care of one another. I don't like having to force someone else to do it every month. Like, it would totally make my month if my companion (if I had one) would actually call ME and say, "Hey let's go visiting teaching, I've called our girls and they are free this day and this day. Which one do you want me to schedule?" I know it's wrong, but it would be nice if I didn't have to take the lead on it. Can't I just be junior companion again? For a little while?

SO BORED

So I just finished a long night of parent teacher conferences...usually this should warrant some sort of celebration, right? I came home only to find an empty apartment...lame. Jeff won't be back until Saturday and I am already so bored and thinking about the four white mothers. Although I was excited when Jeff suggested some trips to visit some certain white mothers. Maybe. Hopefully. Unfortunately, we are in that same "poor" phase in life. I told Jeff I can't even remember the last time I went shopping and bought something. I'm pretty sure it was six months ago...yep. I'm positive actually. We just end up looking like scrubs and eating a lot of potatoes, ha ha ha. Okay, so maybe we eat more than potatoes, but didn't you just feel so sad for us when I said that? Don't you see those couples that get to travel all over the place, and they wear stylish clothes, and they have nice shoes, and they eat out everywhere, and they do tons of expensive things and wonder how the heck are they doing that? I just say that they have tons of debt and are living way beyond their means. It makes me feel better as I sit in our apartment in the same clothes I wore as a freshman at the Y and dreaming about future trips to Rome. And if we lived beyond our means, I'd be in NYC right now doing tons of fun stuff with Jeff and wearing super cute clothes. But it's not worth it, right? And we'll be stronger people when it's all over, right? Just like in those stories?

Living Life as an Ensign Article

Allow me to explain. For several years, I've read Ensign articles detailing the poverty-stricken years of young LDS couples struggling through the stressful, tender, life-enriching phase of graduate school and/or the young poor years. Due to some bizarre mix of nostalgia and longing (I blame my parents' tales of their days in Madison and my own childhood love of "The Gift of the Magi"), I wanted to be such a couple.

Enter last night's budget check. Oh. My. Are we really that poor? When did that happen? Why doesn't it feel as cozy and heart-warming as the stories? The articles I read always had a tinge of the sweet about them. Let me tell you, though: I felt nothing sweet when my heart constricted and panic set in. I foresaw five years of toil and constant stress.

Enter a calm husband, who reminded me that we have savings, who reminded me that our budget actually covers our necessary expenses, who reminded me that this was indeed a phase, who reminded that me we felt excellent about this decision, especially the decision that is leading to the most imminent major expenses, etc. My breath seeped back in...slowly.

No doubt the couples behind those Ensign articles had moments of sheer terror too. However, their growth occurred despite the panic (even more likely because of the panic). As time passed, hard days got swallowed by moments of insight. So that is the new goal: look for the growth; ignore the panic. And maybe one day I'll be able to walk into Banana Republic again.