Sooo...

Is it just me or is it super frustrating not knowing what the heck is going on with my life next year?! Arrggghhh! (I've always wanted to use that expression but never found it quite appropriate. I still don't think it fit in this situation because it ended up sounding like a pirate ... but if you didn't already realize, I'm irritated and trying to express my frustration.) I've also come to the sudden realization that I'm a little ADD with my life plans. I get distracted and bored with a current circumstance and find myself wanting to do completely ridiculous things. I mean I could do any of the things I dream up, but I have to ask myself if any of them are the logical thing to do. Most of them probably aren't good investments of my time or money, but it's so hard to stop dreaming things up. I shouldn't be surprised at this realization I guess. I've always known that I would rather look ahead than focus on the present, but I think with this big change coming up next year it could be the chance for a fresh start. I love fresh starts. New beginnings. They're fantastic! When you're in school, you get them every semester. In teaching, each new year is a new start. But I still find my mind wandering...I guess it's a good thing to dream but bad if you never take action upon any of those dreams. It's just hard to decide which are worthwhile...but maybe it's just me?

Yo, Yo, Yo, Happy Birthday Jo!

Happy Birthday, Jo! I hope you have a wonderful day with cupcakes and candles and all of the other good things that a birthday deserves. Love you!

taking the lead

Here's my October post. It's like visiting teaching... last day of the month still counts, right? Speaking of visiting teaching, I have to rant a little. I really think it's one of the most inspired programs in the church (home and visiting) and know that it's how we are all to take care of one another. I don't like having to force someone else to do it every month. Like, it would totally make my month if my companion (if I had one) would actually call ME and say, "Hey let's go visiting teaching, I've called our girls and they are free this day and this day. Which one do you want me to schedule?" I know it's wrong, but it would be nice if I didn't have to take the lead on it. Can't I just be junior companion again? For a little while?

SO BORED

So I just finished a long night of parent teacher conferences...usually this should warrant some sort of celebration, right? I came home only to find an empty apartment...lame. Jeff won't be back until Saturday and I am already so bored and thinking about the four white mothers. Although I was excited when Jeff suggested some trips to visit some certain white mothers. Maybe. Hopefully. Unfortunately, we are in that same "poor" phase in life. I told Jeff I can't even remember the last time I went shopping and bought something. I'm pretty sure it was six months ago...yep. I'm positive actually. We just end up looking like scrubs and eating a lot of potatoes, ha ha ha. Okay, so maybe we eat more than potatoes, but didn't you just feel so sad for us when I said that? Don't you see those couples that get to travel all over the place, and they wear stylish clothes, and they have nice shoes, and they eat out everywhere, and they do tons of expensive things and wonder how the heck are they doing that? I just say that they have tons of debt and are living way beyond their means. It makes me feel better as I sit in our apartment in the same clothes I wore as a freshman at the Y and dreaming about future trips to Rome. And if we lived beyond our means, I'd be in NYC right now doing tons of fun stuff with Jeff and wearing super cute clothes. But it's not worth it, right? And we'll be stronger people when it's all over, right? Just like in those stories?

Living Life as an Ensign Article

Allow me to explain. For several years, I've read Ensign articles detailing the poverty-stricken years of young LDS couples struggling through the stressful, tender, life-enriching phase of graduate school and/or the young poor years. Due to some bizarre mix of nostalgia and longing (I blame my parents' tales of their days in Madison and my own childhood love of "The Gift of the Magi"), I wanted to be such a couple.

Enter last night's budget check. Oh. My. Are we really that poor? When did that happen? Why doesn't it feel as cozy and heart-warming as the stories? The articles I read always had a tinge of the sweet about them. Let me tell you, though: I felt nothing sweet when my heart constricted and panic set in. I foresaw five years of toil and constant stress.

Enter a calm husband, who reminded me that we have savings, who reminded me that our budget actually covers our necessary expenses, who reminded me that this was indeed a phase, who reminded that me we felt excellent about this decision, especially the decision that is leading to the most imminent major expenses, etc. My breath seeped back in...slowly.

No doubt the couples behind those Ensign articles had moments of sheer terror too. However, their growth occurred despite the panic (even more likely because of the panic). As time passed, hard days got swallowed by moments of insight. So that is the new goal: look for the growth; ignore the panic. And maybe one day I'll be able to walk into Banana Republic again.

you'll understand why

I had to take this photo while driving... because I knew you all had to see it. (zoom in on the license plate)

H-B-W Strikes Again

So remember H-B-W? Yeah, well I thought once married life began, it would cease to exist. However, I was sadly mistaken because H-B-W has struck again, but this time in second grade!

With the school year coming to an end, my students started delivering presents to me. My favorite part was the thank you notes from the second graders. I'd received one that told me "You're the best Queen" and inside it said "To Mrs. Queen Yongbrg" (yeah let's just say not a single student finished the year able to correctly spell my name). But there are also humorous pictures in the cards as well. One student drew a picture of me, very tall of course, and a tiny, tiny boy beside me (he looks more like a preschooler than an 8 year old). I was patting him on the head with a speech bubble that said, "I like you." He's the class clown, and let's be honest everyone loves people that are funny. I guess he picked up on that too.

But as I continued to receive cards and pictures, I was very speechless when a cute girl in my class handed me her card with a picture folded inside. Looking at the crayon drawing, I realized I was in the picture and the girl was drawn a lot smaller beside me. She had a speech bubble that said, "graet bod!" I read it again because what second grade girl would write a note saying that to her teacher? I took it home to have Jeff confirm what I'd read was correct. He got a good laugh out of it. Jeff told me to hang on to it because I'd probably want to read it when I am pregnant :) After his confirmation I remembered hearing her say it at recess to another little girl, so I knew she must be telling me "great bod" in her picture. Is that weird or what?

So my three white mothers, it appears H-B-W cannot hide. The legend lives on even in second grade...

Trip to Utah? No.

So, I thought I might be coming to Utah to visit. And then there were a bunch of layoffs and other cuts at work, then Alexis called and is desperate for family visits in her advanced-pregnancy state, and then someone offered to subsidize by plane ticket. So I'm going to Portland next week for a couple of days. Utah will have to wait until I am more solvent. Or you could come visit me here... Miss you all!