Sisterhood

Webster Dictionary gives the definition of "sisterhood" as "the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns." This week I have realized that we four white mothers have reached this degree of unity. As I talked with two white mothers that have already been reunited, I began to wish that the four of us were all together again. I began to long for the quaint little apartment we shared that was filled with giggling, teasing, and tears. This past week I received a text from a fellow white mother that caused me to come to a certain realization - we have formed a bond that will last a lifetime. We have developed not only a friendship, but a sisterhood. You are all my sisters, and I know that no matter what happens (whether it involves awkward and somewhat spastic conversations, logorrhea, spilt hot chocolate, or criminal abetment in gummy shenanigans), I will always have three girls that will love me unconditionally. I don't know if you remember a television series entitled "Sisters" that aired from 1991-1996, but the show's following tagline is a perfect summation of our relationship:

"The men in your life may leave you,
Children grow up, parents pass away.
The only ones who are there for you,
From cradle to grave,
Are your sisters."

I know the whole part about the men of your life leaving is a little extreme (and probably not something that any of the white mothers should think about since we're already terrified of it occurring), but I feel that the rest of it impeccably describes sisters. It describes us.

Thoughts of Today

Hmmm....right about now you are probably trying to figure out the amazing things that I am going to say. Well, here are my random thoughts at this moment: I love talking to Whitney on the phone and wish she were here to talk to. Just because it's summer semester we are discriminated against and I am not allowed to use my favorite computer on the second-row to the back and fourth monitor left in the SWKT computer lab as they have confined us to the first two rows. I wonder how Jenny's latest job interview went. If I ignore the massive load of math that I have to do, it might magically disappear on its own. How much time does Sarah have to write on her blog and keep up with all the latest and most amazing music? Why am I not in New York with her? Hmmm...I'm kind of hungry, but the lunch I packed seems fairly unappealing at the moment. Could I work with a cooler group of people? Why does everyone here look the same? Does Africa miss me, or have I already been forgotten? I need to get moving and get some amazing Africa pictures on this blog. Brazil will dominate Argentina and the whole World Cup without a doubt. Is there any question? Calculus. Hungry. Calculus tests and homework. Hungry. Africa. Typing. Bored. Leaving. Missing you all.

What to do?

Do you ever wonder why we wanted so badly to preserve our agency? Sometimes I do. While I generally feel grateful for the gift of choice, there are other times (like right now) when I would love for someone to just tell me what to do. Just make the choice for me. Take it out of my hands and leave me with the consequences. Maybe I should be thankful if that's the case because it means I don’t see a lot of harm in any of the options before me. Really though, what it comes down to is that I don't just want someone to tell me what to do. I want somebody to beg me to stay as they profess their undying love for me. I want somebody to share the rest of my life, share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details... Someone who'll stand by my side and give me support, and in return he’ll get my support. He will listen to me when I want to speak about the world we live in and life in general. What can I say? At least Depeche Mode understands me...

Wow. Here I am sitting in the computer lab in the SWKT after my math class waiting for my religion class to start. I have now been home for 3 full days. As I walk around I can't help continually thinking, "Where am I?" Poor Jenny has had to deal with my readjustment issues. I got back up here on Saturday night, and we talked until like 1:30am, slept for a few hours and then got up for Church. Still not being completely over my jetlag, I went to bed at 7:30 (Jenny insists I was knocked out by the time she got home at 7:45), and slept until my alarm went off at 6:30 for my 8am class. Wow. The funny thing is, I am still looking forward to going to bed again, but I won't allow myself to take naps until I'm completely over my jetlag.
As I was driving from California to Utah on Saturday, I kept looking out the window and thinking how happy I am to be back, but how much I don't want to be here. I keep remembering my friend harassing us for being in class too long and not playing soccer with them, watching World Cup games, hearing the word "tomorrowsday" many times as they practiced their english (which completely makes sense if you think about it). I can't start with my thoughts because they will never end. I just keep thinking about how uncomfortable I am here and how I am worried that I will become comfortable again and forget everything I have learned and become. Anyways, I'll stop boring you with my thoughts.
It has been great to see everyone and catch up. I had to cut off HBW because I had to go somewhere, but then my cell battery is running out and I can't find my charger so I couldn't call back. Sorry HBW! I am excited to catch up with Sarah, and I definitely would love a reunion. You guys are great. My family is amazing. Friends here are so amazing. But that doesn't keep my from missing Africa. Oh well, I must move myself off to my religion class now. Love you all!

Welcome Home!

Jo!!!! Welcome back to the US of A! I'm not even sure if you're home yet, but I figure that by the time you read this you will be. I think a major celebration or some sort of festivities are in order, don't you? We should have a reunion and all catch up on our two months of adventures and highly unsuccessful spring flings... Unless there's something you aren't telling us, Jo! :) Spring is behind us, but summer has just begun and the possibilities are endless...

The Bitter and the Sweet

I'm done. I just finished my last final, and I realized that I am now done with the "BYU experience." As I walked out, I contemplated the next phase of my life, and I realized that I am still very unsure about things. I'm still trying to figure out what it means that I no longer have to check out a book from the BYU library, I don't have to write any more papers, I don't have to worry about grades... I am a college graduate. Being a college student provides you with a nice little bubble--you know what you are going to do every day. Although I know that I am going to work until August, I don't know what is going to happen after that. Where will I end up? All of that is still an unknown. However, I have decided that I have been too nostalgic about graduating. It happens. You move on, find a job, and live somewhere else. People do it every year. I just never thought about me as one of them.

Kaká

This is my future husband. He's attractive, a foreigner, and a soccer player for one of the best teams in the world...let’s be honest, that's about as good as it gets. My mom told me that it would never work out because if I married him and lived in America, people would mispronounce my name as "Caca," which just happens to be the Spanish word for "poop." I told her that it would be worth it. I'd be married to a very attractive foreign soccer player, so who really cares if I'm being referred to as excrement? Alas...this is a dream that will never be fulfilled. This hunk a hunk of burnin' love is already taken. Aren't they all girls? Aren't they all...

World Cup Fever

As I sit here impatiently waiting for the Brazil vs. Australia game to start, I have to wonder...is there anything better than soccer? No. There isn't. I LOVE THIS GAME (I know, I know...wrong sport tagline). Without a doubt, this is the best sport in the world. And really...the World Cup...it can't get any better than this. Sarah, you would have loved the segments they did on Brazil and their two star players - Ronaldo and Ronaldinho. The Brazilians are definitely my favorites so far...I mean what team has players whose names are as fun to say as Kaká? I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT! The tension, the excitement, the controversy, the passion, the skill...IT'S SO GREAT! And best of all...anything can happen. Crazy things happen in World Cup games. It's FANTASTIC!

My New Residency

As I sit here checking my email in the most amazing hostel in the world on the southern coast of South Africa on top of a green lush hill with a view of the ocean down below I have come to one conclusion: I am not coming back. (Okay, I am because I have to, but at least I have a couple of more days!)

Lessons Learned

We have a wonderful luxury in life. It's the luxury of learning lessons from other people's experiences and mistakes and twisted philosophies. As I've thought about it, I've realized that recently I have been the guinea pig for many of the lessons that will surely come in handy to me and my three white mother companions. Of course, me being the guinea pig only came out of my own reckless abandonment of reason and forethought. But I've found that often that is when some of the most valuable lessons are learned. I suppose that's what I get for following Mr. Keating's urges to carpe diem. At any rate, I thought it might be fun to recount some of the lessons we've learned from each other. Post your lessons with a comment, but for now I'll start:

• Jenny confirmed to us that Walter (Sleepless in Seattle) is not a suitable husband for a passionate and super-motivated woman
• I think we are all now well aware that contacting anyone from Willoughby's past is not a good idea
• Steering clear of Miss Grey (as in, Willoughby's latest) is probably wise, as an encounter will only make the heart sting
• Whitney taught us (and I confirmed) that generally the word 'naked' never comes out right in a conversation with the opposite sex

Really, I think Jane Austen already taught us most of these lessons but I guess I'm discovering that I don't believe the stove is hot unless I touch it. That's probably kind of dangerous, but exciting and experimental, too! So, if you've got a lesson to be learned and the thought of seizing the day makes you weak in the knees, you can count on me! I'm feeling very adventurous. Carpe Diem! Really, have I learned anything??

Dreams

Don't you just love that Cranberries song? It is the quintessential 90's alternative pop rock song, and I'll never get sick of it.

Oh my life is changing every day
every possible way
And oh, my dreams, its never quite as it seems,
never quite as it seems

It seems I'm finding that maybe part of the reason that we're allowed to live out our dreams is to help us appreciate what seem to be more mundane experiences of life. The Provos of life. I don't really know what else to say. But that is what's on my mind. I'm going for a run in Fort Tryon Park. Want to come?

Can I also just say that I'm a little surprised by how much I miss the Prince.

Sitting with Ben

Since I don't have internet access from my apartment, I had to come to the Log Cabin to type a blog. I realize that it's been a bit, and I wanted to let you all know that I am still alive. :) Ben thought that the name of our blog was quite witty. Ben and I have become good friends over "American Idol." He understands. We'll leave it at that.
And so far, I have been able to keep Willoughby at bay. Joanna sent me an email worried that I was back in his powers, but I have taken my motto from a recent film I saw: "We grow wiser to him--and that's what makes us strong." Although I toyed with the idea of telling Jo that we were engaged, I didn't want to give her a heart attack.
I have relied on the love of Whitney and Sarah to aid me over the past week. Let's just say that I really needed a friendly ear and someone who would ask me how I was doing. I found myself asking so many people that question, and I had forgotten how nice it was to hear in return. (Ben just ran away--what a man. He is now claiming that he didn't run.)
That's about all from here. I keep thinking that all of my mothers are off on adventures, and I'm just in Provo.

A Bite of the Big Apple

I am in New York! And I'm exhausted... I had a redeye flight on Friday night that got delayed and didn't leave until about 1:30 am. I barely slept on the flight, but was so happy to have Seth meet me at the airport when I got to JFK. It took us about 2.5 hours to get to my apartment (which I LOVE!) and we pretty much just threw my stuff down (and I showered quickly - I think it's essential after any flight) and headed out again. First stop: pizza. Yum. Then we did a mini "welcome to New York" photo shoot - haha - I'll have to post the pics when I get them from Seth. We met up with Seth's friend Jason, and headed out to P.S.1 in Queens. It's an old public school that now holds part of the MoMA's collection. Mostly contemporary stuff. We went out to watch Iron Artist, an art competition a la Iron Chef. Imagine 200 hipsters watching as two teams create something symbolizing "man's inhumanity to man" in 45 minutes while flecks of styrafoam swirl through the air. That was pretty much our experience.

Then we caught a train to Astoria (a Greek neighborhood) where we decided that our hunger had gotten the better of us. We went to a little Greek restaurant and while I enjoyed the style of the restaurant and people watching all of the "OPA!" Greek families, the food I got was pure nastiness. Sad. I just wanted a gyro, but the place we went didn't have them. I was feeling experiemental and very proud of myself for going out on a limb... but now I just know never to order Moussaka again. As we ventured back to Manhattan, my good friends thought it would be nice to show me where I would get off the train for work. We explored Times Square a bit and went for a quick grocery run at Whole Foods. It's quite the natural and organic, expensive shopping experience. I'm eating Kashi Go Lean Crunch for dinner today since that was the only cereal option I'd heard of that they had at the store.

I visited the famous Manhattan 8th Ward for church. It meets in the same building as the temple, near Lincoln Center. Mostly I went because my ward meets at 9:00 and I wanted to sleep in, and I also wanted to check it out. It's a huge ward - actually slightly overwhelming. I will probably attend my Inwood ward from now on. But I did get to see Sister Andersen, a missionary I taught a few months ago in the MTC! :) She is serving in the 8th ward and it was a treat to see her.

Now if I can just talk myself into going to work tomorrow...

LEAVING...

I have decided that a love of travel is really not a good passion. Besides the expense factor, I think there is some truth to the fact that after we have lived somewhere, we leave a part of ourselves there and can never actually feel like we completely belong in one place anymore. That is how I feel about Brazil, and I am beginning to understand that it will be that way for Mozambique as well. Isn´t it odd that we can come to love such different places so much? For a lot of the beginning of this trip I kept dreaming about how nice it will be to not have to wear flipflops in the shower, to get a hot shower, to be clean, not stared at, not crowded onto chapas and machimbomboms (buses). However, now that I have about one more week here before I leave for South Africa, and then about another week before I get home, I am starting to get worried. I had a dream last night about getting home, and it just left me with this immense feeling of sadness. Why do I always have to leave a part of myself in places where I know it will be so difficult to return? I don´t even know how to explain the changes that have occurred in my way of thinking and my views of the world. Anyways, I don´t have much time and I don´t want to be too down. I am very excited to see everyone again, but right now I will admit that I don´t really want to come back. Why does life have to include the sorrow of parting? Well, I do miss you all and am excited to hear about your adventures. I will be back in 2 weeks! Love ya!

On a Plane in 24 Hours

Why is it that right before I leave a certain place, I always find the most compelling reason to stay? Why do perfect first dates only happen when departure is an imminent reality? I suppose it is just a part of life which will help all of us decide to eventually settle down. I cannot comprehend the thought that six weeks have passed and Portland will once again be part of my past. I try to imagine life in Manhattan, but find it difficult to see myself as a citizen of the chic city sky-scraped society of New York. Perhaps I will only be able to see myself in it when I get there. I think sometimes it's hard to imagine anything but the homesickness of the past when you try to imagine new places; all you know is what you're leaving behind.

Tonight I went out with a fabulous modern version of the Gregoire of my past. We had gelatto and then headed to a local concert venue to watch Portland bands UHF and Charmparticles scream the night away. The band that we were looking forward to (Jonah) wasn't hitting the stage until 11:00 and by then Charmpartile had already worn us out and we were on our way back over the Willamette. At my place we talked music and sang and played the guitar -- he's heard of Moxy Fruvous independent of my influence. Can you say "keeper?" :) Conversation was easy, constant and fun. Really, does it get any better? And I'm leaving...

In twenty-four hours I will hopefully be sound asleep as my 747 flys silently eastward chasing the horizon until it kisses the sunrise and brings me to my new playground.

Love you all!