Leaving...

Leaving is a word that evokes so many emotions. I leave for Africa tomorrow. As I sit at the computer, I can hear the voices of my extended family downstairs chatting as some are out front throwing a football and skateboarding while others are swimming in the spa out back. I start to feel a little anxious and think that I just want to stay here where it is safe. A place where, even though things do change, they don't change too much. I know that it is just last minute nerves, but something just makes me want to stay here. Forever.

Isn't that such a weird thing? I don't know if anyone ever expects that to come out of my mouth. I think it is the fear of facing something so completely new and alien, as well as dealing with going to somewhere so far away. I feel like it is wrong to have these feelings at the same time that I have such a strong desire to go and leave. Maybe it's because I like to feel comfortable...and safe. Sometimes change means uncomfortable and unsafe. Don't get me wrong - I am definitely so excited to go. I just think that sometimes I miss home. Having a real, permanent home.

Well, enough with the introspection. Can anyone believe that I leave tomorrow? I will be in Mozambique on Tuesday! I have such feelings of excitement warring with the anxiety in my stomach. Will I have fun? Will I be safe? Will I get sick? Will I miss home? The scariest of all: Will my dreams of being in Africa and changing the world live up to the reality? Probably not, but I hope that it is close. I am thinking of my other three white mothers often. It made me smile to see that Jenny had time to write while in Germany. Thanks for remembering! Whitney - I thought of you on my drive here as I was listening to a book on tape and it mentioned Winston-Salem. Aren't you proud? Sarah - I thought of you as I was talking with my sister about Oregon. Hope all is well. I love you all and I will try to get to a computer while in Mozambique, but I have a feeling this is good-bye for two months! Love you!